Talking, Listening, Understanding

From the December 2024-January 2025 issue of the Town of Mansfield e-Newsletter

In this time of division is there a way we can learn to express our thoughts in a way that people who disagree can listen without feeling attacked? Can we honestly express our opinions in a non-judgmental and non-threatening manner so that we can be heard? Can we learn to listen to the thoughts of people we disagree with without getting angry? These negative emotions make it difficult to hear others and to have others hear us. How do we solve problems in our community if we can’t talk to each other?

This seems to be a time when everybody has strong opinions. These opinions are often drastically different from each other, and not a lot of people seem to be curious about alternate perspectives. When conversations among people turn into a fight for control, people get angry and relationships are disrupted. If we focus on finding creative solutions and common ground, we can usually manage our disagreements. If we focus on having our viewpoint control the conversation, we generally have a lot of trouble finding creative solutions. One thing we can probably all agree on is that there are a lot of problems to be solved in any community, including ours. But very few of us are skilled at listening to other viewpoints without getting angry. Once anger takes over it’s really difficult to listen or to think clearly. If it is not safe to disagree, we can’t create new ideas. We get stuck.

What to do? The Human Rights Commission recently sponsored a workshop on Non-Violent Communication (www.cnvc.org) The purpose of the workshop was to teach people a set of skills that would allow them to find common ground with other people in areas of disagreement. Several primary human rights identified in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights include freedom of belief, opinion and access to information. These rights also include a limit on rights…Rights are limited by the need to respect the rights of others. In a society where differences of opinion are typically treated as competition, we haven’t had much practice in collaboration. Our elections have winners and losers. We rarely see the kind of behind-the-scenes collaboration that leads to meaningful problem solving. We need practice if we are going to move beyond the conflicts that are plaguing us in so many areas, locally , nationally and internationally. The HRC is planning follow-up sessions with facilitators from www.CNVC.org to help interested people learn how to listen carefully, search for common ground and move toward problem solving. These skills can be used with family, friends, people in religious and civic organizations and anyplace else where decisions need to be made. If you are interested in learning these skills and practicing them with other Mansfield residents, watch for our publicity around the beginning of 2025. Our sessions will be free and open to the public. Everyone is welcome.